哪里可以批改雅思作文(雅思作文批改多少钱一篇)

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries bring many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

The trend of increasing business and culture contact between countries lead to a fierce debate about whether the effects it brought are positive or negative. ( 雅思大作文的背景句不建议过度复制题目，建议结合自己的理解或者最起码同义改写) While the globalization brings some negative aspects of value, I believe, the good effects excel in many fields of our daily life.（这道题对于讨论的范围已经进行了限制，不能仅仅用good/negative进行笼统的概括）

It is undeniable that the traditional value system（中式英语，建议删除system） has conflict（中式英语并且观点没有进行有效的弱化，may conflict） with the morality based on a totally different cultural background（语言不够简洁，a foreign one）. The youth might feel confused living in such a multicultural society. What’s worse, it might contribute to the loss of national identities（claim的范围没有进行有效限制，among some youngsters）. The young generation, for example, choose to turn back to traditional virtues and embrace the culture form other countries, such as Korea and western world where the pop culture and idol flow are popular and welcomed.（举例是有效的论证方式，但是不能缺乏对于例子的扣题分析）

However, the increasing business contact gives opportunities to transnational companies for making profits in a more efficient way（语言不够简洁，for larger profits）. For instance, Apple designs their products in Silicon Valley while（这里while是介词不能链接两个并列动词，建议换成and） manufacture the products in China because of the cost of labor which leads to the maximum benefit（语言不够简洁 to cut the cost of labour.）. Moreover, the trading among different countries encourages new business model on the Internet. Taking Amazon for example, it ships a variety number (variety和number 保留一个就行了) of products between different countries in order to satisfy the need of customers all over the world（从句不能随意使用，这个段落你想说的是赚钱，那么这个从句导致的结果就尽量落脚到赚钱上 which earns a huge profit by satisfying the needs of customers in the globe）.

It is obvious that（it is obvious代表这个观点你并非有十足的把握，不建议在自己的观点前添加这个表达） cross-culture communication can bring diversity and refreshment（diversity就足够了，不用refreshment） to local culture （注意词性，cultural）environment. As a result of this trend,（二者之间是解释关系，不是因果关系，删除as a result of this trend这个内容） programs and news containing the colorful and exotic images become easily accessible. Likewise, because of the spread of the overseas culture, people are willing to have a holiday abroad or study abroad for better career preparation facing the inevitable globalization trend.（这一段的论证比较混乱，这一段的内容讲的是bring diversity，论证和举例都在围绕diversity转圈圈，却没有直接说到对于diversity的帮助）

To sum up, the positive effects brought by the increasing business and cultural contact outweigh the negative ones in many aspects, especially in （插入定冠词the） global market and mass communication. （整篇文章缺乏同学明确自己的观点）

作文得分：

任务回应与完成：5分

语言连贯与衔接：4分

词汇丰富程度：5分

语法多样与准确：5.5分

综合评分：5分

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哪里可以批改雅思作文(雅思作文批改多少钱一篇)

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